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May 22

Juggling haha

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October 23

Thank You Lesley

Thanx Les for letting my secret out lol Actually its my personality that gets me my tips (basically im gobby enough to ask for tips haha).

The job is getting slightly annoying, cant remember last time I was drunk. Oh yeah I can it was Saturday cos I did a double shift so I finished an hour early. Hit the double vodkas and red bull and rounded the night off with cheesy chips and loads of garlic mayo - lovely.

xxx

10:26 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (2) | Permalink | Blog it

October 18

Long time no see

Its been ages since I have been on here. Thought I might get back into the swing of it again. Anyways I suppose a news update is required: I am single again (please dont feel sorry for me I am happy being single

), Im back in uni doing my final year (only in two days a week - result) and I've got a job working in a local nightclub (been working there since June).

Well thats the boring catch up done.

bye bye xxx

Funny Video Clips and Funny Video Codes for Myspace

11:32 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | Funnies

May 21

Dog blogging lol

Haha I've seen it all now, blogs specially for your dogs. Well of course I had to sign my little Izzy up, she likes to keep up with the technology darling pmsl. Anyway she already has 2 friends profiles linked and some comments. If your as sad as me and Izzy you and your four legged friend may want to get your own little section in cyber world. If you do go to http://www.uk.pedigree.com/dogslife/dogthing.asp

If you do send me and Izzy a dog male.

Have fun xxx

May 11

Support

Please visit my new space and leave a comment. Show some support

http://spaces.msn.com/survivors-haven/

Thanx

Material Girl

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May 07

Why Why Why Why Why

Ok well you know how kids always say why? Then you answer the question and they say why. How bloody annoying is that? Well here are a few whys of my own. Makes you think if nothing else lol

Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?
Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
Is Disney world the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why do people who don’t want to go to hell bury themselves 6 ft. closer?
What happens when you say “hi” to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?
If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?
Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?
Do birds pee?
Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?

10:57 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | Funnies

May 02

Someone

someone
is very proud of you

someone
is thinking of you

someone
cares about you

someone
misses you

someone
wants to talk to you

someone
wants to be with you

someone
is thankful for the support you have
provided

someone
wants to hold your hand

someone
hopes everything turns out all right

someone
wants you to be happy

someone
wants you to find them

someone
wants to hug you

someone
loves you

someone
is thinking of you and smiling

someone
wants to be your shoulder to cry on

someone
wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

someone
thinks the world of you

someone
wants to protect you

someone
would do anything for you

someone
wants to be forgiven

someone
is grateful for your forgiveness

someone
wants to laugh with you about old times

someone
remembers you and wishes you were there

someone
is praising God for you

someone
needs to know that your love is unconditional

somebody
values your advice

someone
wants to tell you how much they care

someone
wants to stay up watching old movies with
you

someone
wants to share their dreams with you

someone
wants to hold you in their arms

someone
wants YOU to hold them in your arms

someone
treasures your spirit

someone
wishes they could STOP time because of
you

someone
praises God for your friendship and love

someone
can't wait to see you

someone
wishes that things didn't have to change

someone
loves you for who you are

someone
loves the way you make them feel

someone
wants to be with you

someone
is hoping they can grow old with you

someone
hears a song that reminds them of you

someone
wants you to know they are there for you

someone
is glad that you're their friend

someone
wants to be your friend

someone
stayed up all night thinking about you

someone
is alive because of you

someone
is remorseful after losing your
friendship

someone
is wishing that you would notice them

someone
wants to get to know you better

someone
believes that you are their soul mate

someone
wants to be near you

someone
misses your guidance and advice

someone
values your guidance and advice

someone
has faith in you

someone
trusts you

someone
needs you to send them this letter

someone
needs your support

someone
needs you to have faith in them

someone
needs you to let them be your friend

someone
will cry when they read this

May 01

Ipod Loving

I have fallen in love

with my ipod all

over again. Its

been stuck in a

draw for months

and I thought I

might as well load

some songs on it.

Since then its been

glued to me. The

embarrassing thing

is I keep

forgetting

im in public and I

start singing along

shaming lol.

So whats on my

playlists mmmmmm

could be a bit

dodgy to admit

what I listen to

(not exactly hip).

Playlists:

Alanis Morissette

April Attitude

basement jaxx

beverely knight

boy basher

dancing queen

girls aloud

greenday

indie rock

jack johnson

james blunt

kelly clarkson

march madness

pink

poptastic

pussycat dolls

savage garden

sugababes

summer sunshine

techno trannies

As you can see

of the playlist

names I created

lol

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

April 28

Rebel/saint? U decide

I've been told that this song is exactly like me so I thought I should put it on my blog

She's A Rebel Greenday

She's a rebel
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous

She's a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction

From Chicago to Toronto
She's the one that they
Call old whatsername

She's the symbol
of resistance
and she's holding on my
heart like a hand grenade

Is she dreaming
what I'm thinking
Is she the mother of all bombs
gonna detonate

Is she trouble
like I'm trouble
make it a double
twist of fate
or a melody that

She sings the revolution
the dawning of our lives
she brings this liberation
that I just can't define
nothing comes to mind
[x2]

She's a rebel
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous

She's a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction

She's a rebel
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous

She's a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction

She's a rebel, She's a rebel, She's a rebel, And she's dangerous
[x2]

April 27

x David x

I've just become aware of the fact that I have yet to introduce my new bloke how rude of me lol When I find a pic I will put one on here so if you see him around town hands off pmsl He has still got a long way to go until he is fully trained but he is coming on leaps and bounds haha (If ur reading this dai I am kidding honestly )

April 24

Little Advice

Dσи'т Pυт Wяdѕ Iи Mу Mσυтн,

I'νє Gσт Plєиту Tσ Sαу.

Dσи'т Tєll Mє Hσω Tσ Lινє Mу Lιfє,

I Dσ Tнιиgѕ Mу Wαу.

Wєи A Pєяѕσи Tєllz U

*Yσυ'яє Nσт Gd Eиσυgн*

Tнтѕ Wєи U Kиσω

Tнт Uя Bєтα.

Alωуz Bє Yσυяѕєlf,

Bcσz Tнє Pєσρlє Wнσ Mιиd Dσит Mαтα,

Aиd Tнє Pєσρlє Wнσ Mαтα Dσит Mιи∂

Lєαяи Fям Uя Pαѕт,Mσνє Oи Gяσω Sтяσиgєя

Pєσρlє R Fαкє, Aиd Uя Tяυѕт Lαѕтs Lσиgєя

Dσ Wнαт U Hαν Tσ Dσ, Bυт Alωуz Sтαу Tяυє

Aиd Nєνα Lєт Nє1 Gєт Tнє Bѕт Of Yσυ..

April 19

Carpe Diem

Isn't it funny how suddenly life can become so clear again. Just when your about to veer
off course you get a jolt that brings you back to life. I have rediscovered my drive to succeed
but most importantly I have the urge to live. I don't want a mundane existence for the rest of
my life, I want variety (which is after all the spice of life).

So I have decided that I will concentrate on completing my degree but not to the extent where I'm studying
all the time. In fact I think I will do the bare minimum to achieve a reasonable pass which is a 2:2. Life is
to bloody short to be worrying about perfection although I do think that education is important but not to
the extent where you aren't gaining life experience because your head is stuck in a book. After all 'et ipsa
scientia potestas est' (knowledge itself is power) and this can be obtained in numerous ways.

So how do I propose to achieve a balance and life skills. Well first and for most I want to have fun. I was
sat here thinking and it is more than possible that i could live until im 80. Taking into account that I am
only 24, that gives me 56 years on this earth. So what the hell is all the rush? Surely I have got
plenty of time to kick back and relax and worry about the mundane things later on. I've decided to take
the advice of numerous oldies in my life and to take on board the fact that your only young once.
'Gaudeamus igitur iuvenes dum sumus' (Thus let us enjoy ourselves as long as we are young).

My plans for the future are to obviously complete my degree which will hopefully lead on to a place in
the police force. But before all that I want to travel around a bit, experience different cultures etc I want
to spend time with those closest to me and most of all my main objective is fun and freedom. I don't see
the point of making rigid plans for the future because life can change in a split second. Its never going
to be as you planned so just enjoy the ride. My motto of the week has to be 'carpe diem' (seize the day) because
you never know whats round the corner.

Oh and remember 'Cuiusvis hominis est errare, nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare' (Any man can make a mistake;
only a fool keeps making the same one).

Material Girl

xxx

April 12

Its that time of year again

Ok well its that time of year again. Last year was Dublin to celebrate Elles Birthday and this year for my birthday I want to go to Alton Towers for a few days. But I dont want to stay just anywhere, I want to stay in one of the themed rooms (providing there is one free). I think the Coca Cola one is the one for me.

Yes I know I am like a big kid but it will be a laugh. Besides if I cant be child like now when can I be lol

I will have to remember to ring and find out prices in the morning.

So watch out Alton Towers here we come. (WE being me, Dai, Elle and Rob).

Description of Coca Cola room for you Elle:

The Celebration Suite, is the perfect surrounding for a totally refreshing night sleep! With a fridge full of coke presented in ice cold glass bottles! Ample supply of sweets!! It’s really a room full of surprises! When you open the door you’re welcomed with a cheering celebration sound. Open the cupboards and you will even find a Playstation 2 to keep you entertained! This themed room is located in room 502 on the top floor of the Alton Towers Hotel and is around twice the size of a standard room. The Celebration Suite sleeps up to 6 people there is one double bed, bunk beds and a sofa bed. Upon arrival in the room you will be presented with star balloons which you can take home as well as any bottles of coke and sweets you don’t finish! As with all the themed rooms you will receive an X-celerator pass which will allow you one Priority access pass to every major ride in the park!

I can just see us sipping Cherry Brandy and coke there cant you?

April 10

Can it really be?

How is it possible to meet someone new and feel like you have known them forever? I thought that shit only ever happened in the movies.

Sorry Elle I know im letting the side down lol

From me to you

Artist: Ace Of Base Lyrics

Song: Wonderful Life Lyrics

Here I go
Out to the sea again
The sunshine fills my hair
And dreams hang in the air
Gulls in the sky
And in my blue eyes
I know it feels unfair
There is magic everywhere

Look at me standing here
Here on my own again
Up straight in the sunshine

No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life

Sun's in your eyes
The heat is in your hair
They seem to hate you
Because you are there
And I need a friend
Oh, oh, I need a friend
To make me happy
I stand here on my own

Oh oh oh ooh,
Look at me standing here
I'm here on my own again
Up straight in the sunshine

No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life

I need a friend
Oh, I need a friend
To make me happy
Not so alone

Look at me standing here
I'm here on my own again
Up straight in the sunshine

No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life

No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life

Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah

April 09

Life

уσυ gσттα тαкє тнє gσσ∂,

ωιтн тнє вα∂,

ѕмιℓє ωιтн тнє ѕα∂,

ℓσνє ωнαт уσυ gσт,

яємємвєя ωнαт уσυ нα∂,

ℓєαяи тσ fσяgινє,

вυт иєνєя fσяgєт,

ℓєαяи fяσм уσυя мιѕтαкєѕ,

вυт иєνєя яєgяєт,

ρєσρℓє ¢нαиgє αи∂ тнιиgѕ gσ ωяσиg,

вυт נυѕт яємємвєя...

ℓιfє gσєѕ σи

Quote of the day:

A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG
SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER
IN HOT WATER

April 07

Ebay


This table is for sale on eBay. How can you tell it is being sold 
by a man?
First look and then guess. You will find the answer below, but 
don't cheat!
 

 
 
 
Know the answer???
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
If not, scroll   down now...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
continue to scroll down..
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
still more...
 
 
 
 
 
 
ok, this is the answer:
 
Look at the mirror in the picture .   =)
 
And remember, if you're   
posting a picture on the 
word-wide web,
 
WEAR CLOTHES when taking
 the picture!!!

9:17 AM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | Funnies

April 03

Whats all the bloody commotion?

Why is it that life seems so complicated? Just when you think you know what you want and where you are going something else pops up and makes you re-evaluate everything. What do you do? Never try anything new and stick with the safety of what you know? Or do you plunge head first into unknown waters? I suppose the whole issue of wondering what could have been and what could be, or maybe even the case of the grass is always greener on the other side applies. Notice how there is a cliche for everything lol

Maybe I do need a fresh start? Or maybe I should just go with the flow and see what happens. Wouldn't life be boring if it was so easily mapped out. I think I just need to chill and let destiny takes it course. Will it provide true love .... nah like fuck will it pmsl How marvelous to see that my cynical side has rapidly returned (I blame Elle hahaha).

Talking of Elle - thanks for a great weekend love. Renewed spirit and hope once more. Cant wait for the summer, I got a feeling that it will be another eventful one. Oh and I have decided we have to go away again, if only for a few days on a bargain break. Dublin was great and we have to have something equally fun to look back on and say that was the summer of 06. Maybe Amsterdam or a cheapy holiday in Spain. We could do it around your birthday again.

Anyway I think maybe I should go to bed now and then make an effort to get up before lunch time and do some coursework. Christ I hate uni, I have no bloody enthusiasm for it and I am seriously lacking motivation. If I just got on and did the flaming work it could all be finished way before the end of the Easter holidays and I could enjoy what was left. Watch this space for further rants and chanting about nothing in particular lol

xxxx

P.S. Elle the above Sugababe music vid reminds me of you. Mainly cos of the black girls skirt lol I was like 'thats an Elle skirt', pmsl sad I know.

P.P.S. Hope scummerfield aint to bad in the morning (Thanks to Dai that name has stuck in my head). I also told Dai and Rob to wind you up so sorry its all my fault if they do anything to ya. What are best friends for lol xxx

A-Z of how they do it

HOW THEY HAVE SEX A-Z

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C'Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.

DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGE MEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.

HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINISTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MARKETING REPs do it on commission.

MILKMEN deliver twice a week.

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILE MEN have better thrust.

MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.

MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS use their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways.

ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

1:58 AM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | Funnies

Speeding

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman:   "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Officer:   "Ma'am, you were speeding."
Older Woman:   "Oh, I see."
Officer:   "Can I see your license please?"
Older Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
Officer:   "Don't have one? "
Older Woman:   "Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. "
Officer:   "I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. "
Older Woman:   "I can't do that. "
Officer:   "Why not? "
Older Woman:   "I stole this car. "
Officer:   "Stole it? "
Older Woman:   "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer:   "You what? "
Older Woman:   "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see."

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2:   "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman:   "Is there a problem sir?"
Officer 2:   "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
murdered the owner."
Older Woman:   "Murdered the owner? "
Officer 2:   "Yes, would you open the trunk of your car, please."
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2:   "Is this your car, ma'am?"
Older Woman:   "Yes, here are the registration papers." The officer is
quite stunned.
Officer 2:   "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license."

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a driver's license and hands
it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2:   "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
owner."
Older Woman:   "Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."

MORAL:

Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies

1:15 AM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | Funnies